Brené Brown ist Research Professor an der University of Houston. Die letzten zehn Jahre hat sie zum Thema Verletzlichkeit, Mut, Authentizität und Scham geforscht. Die ersten fünf Jahre hat sie sich dabei auf Scham und Empathie konzentriert und basierend darauf forscht sie nun zum Thema Wholeheartedness (wholehearted = aus ganzem Herzen). Eine der Fragen, die sie dabei stellt ist folgende: How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?
Ich bin bereits mehrfach auf Videos von ihr gestoßen und fand diese immer sehr interessant. Eine interessante These vertritt sie in folgendem Video: Verletzlichkeit ist die Voraussetzung, um angenommen und geliebt zu werden. Ein sehr empfehlenswertes Video (auf Englisch). Nehmt euch 20 Minuten Zeit – und vielleicht ein bisschen mehr um drüber nachzudenken – und seht euch dieses interessante, hin und wieder witzige, und vor allem aussagekräftige Video an.
„People that have a strong sense of love and belonging believe that they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it!“
„What they had in common was a sense of courage. […] And so these folks had very simply the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was, they had connection, and this was the hard part, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. Which is, you have to absolutely do that for connection.
The other thing that they had in common was this: they fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable nor did they really talk about it being excruciating […] they just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say ‚I love you‘ first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breath through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram, they are willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.“
„This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability. […] The problem is, and I learnt this from the research, that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say: here’s the bad stuff, here’s vulnerability, here’s grieve, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m gonna have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. I don’t want to feel these. […] You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects or emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable and we are looking for purpose in meaning. And then we feel vulnerable so then we are having a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin and this becomes a dangerouse cycle.“
„I’ll leave you with this. This is what I’ve found. To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen. To love with our whole hearts even though there is no guarantee. […] To practice gratitude and joy in those moments of kind of tear when we are wondering can I love you this much, can I believe in this as passionately, can I be this fierce about this just to be able to stop and instead of catastrophizing what might happen to say ‚I’m just so greatful‘ because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alife.
And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place I believe that says ‚I’m enough‘ then we stop screaming and start listening. We are kinder to the people around us and we are kinder to ourselves.“